I had a stark realization this week: In a moment where I had the opportunity to extend the love of Christ to someone, I observed a reservation within my heart that made me question if I want people to feel loved.

This startled me.

A cursory reading of the New Testament will leave you understanding at least one thing: those who follow Jesus are supposed to love others.

Jesus teaches that loving God and one’s neighbor are the two greatest commandments:

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 22:36–40 (ESV)

He also commands His disciples to love one another:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

John 13:34–35

The Apostle John was one of Jesus’ closest disciples, and he went on to shepherd churches in the region of Asia Minor (modern day Turkey). Church tradition ascribes the Gospel of John, 1–3 John, and Revelation to him. He emphasized Jesus’ command to love to his congregations:

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:7–8

John’s understanding of love is very developed and sophisticated. His instructions in 1 John 4:7–8 challenge me.

1. We are to love one another because love is from God. Following Christ is to faithfully reflect who God is. God loves, so we must also love.
2. Love characterizes the genuine believer. Love is the evidence that one has been born of God and knows God.
3. Failure to love is an indication that one does not know God. Knowing God encompasses being changed by Him to the extent that His love flows out of you towards others.

Increasing our love for God and others is not optional for Christians; it is not extracurricular; it is the required minimum and the goal.

Returning to my gut-check moment…

Our apartment is on the ground floor in downtown Tulsa, Oklahoma. Tulsa has a large population of people experiencing homelessness. The climate is such that exposure to the elements is often endurable. We see dozens of people walk past our window, many of them are homeless. The other morning around 6:00, I was in the middle of my morning prayers when a man in a wheelchair paused outside our window. He fussed for a moment, attempting to light a cigarette. I couldn’t tell if he was homeless, but I immediately had the idea of asking if he needed food or water. And as quickly as the idea popped into my head, the counter-idea of do I really need to do that / why do I need to do that? combatted it.

This gave me pause. Why did I find it so important to re-evaluate whether I should ask this man if he was okay and/or needed food and water? What was my motivating factor, and why was it so strong? After all, this would not be the first time I asked such a question to someone.

Then I noticed another aspect: I didn’t really want God to reveal the answer.

Now I’m really concerned.

I paused, forced myself to be vulnerable before God, and sought Him. In that moment, I realized that in my heart of hearts I did not want him to feel loved. This is one of the darkest things I could ever observe within my own heart… a professing follower of Christ who does not want someone to feel loved.

It was in this moment that I realized in order to love in the way Jesus and John command us to, I have to want people to feel that love. Loving people is unsustainable if you don’t want people to feel loved. Without this internal desire, my loving acts are nothing more than obligatory obedience that deep down I resent. 

Submitting to this conviction, I walked outside, approached the fence, and asked if he needed food or water. He looked at me with a slightly surprised smile.

“Yes, that would be really nice.”

I returned with food and a Body Armor. I passed through the walking-gate and handed them to him.

“This is all I have that’s ‘easy’” I said.

“That’s alright. Beggers can’t be choosers. Thank you. I’m going through a really hard time.”

“May I pray with you?” I asked.

“Yes, I know my heavenly father.”

“What is your name?”

“_______” he said.

Upon finishing my prayer, he said “thank you, Darryl. I won’t forget you.”

“I wont forget you either” I told him.

And I won’t.

Loving others requires more of me than I ever realized.

³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶ I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ ³⁷ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? ³⁸ And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? ³⁹ And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ ⁴⁰ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Matthew 25:35–40 (ESV)

¹⁷  Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, 

and he will repay him for his deed.

Proverbs 19:17 (ESV)