Disappointment, Overwhelm, & Unrealized Expectations

If expectations frame our experience, then it is imperative that we form solid expectations. We feel disappointment when we experience less than expected. We feel overwhelm when our experience is more nuanced than expected. I encounter a lot of people who feel disappointment and overwhelm during or after their biblical engagement, and I have observed that these two feelings consistently trace back to the person’s expected experience for engaging the Bible. At the core of these expectations is the ‘either/or’ thinking paradigm.

EITEHR/OR vs. BOTH/AND

‘Ether/Or’ Thought Paradigm

‘Either/or’ intrinsically requires mutual exclusivity. It says ‘A’ can be true, or ‘B’ can be true, but ‘A’ and ‘B’ cannot both be true. You can either have either ‘A’ or ‘B’, not both. Mutual exclusivity exists within reality, so this thought paradigm has its place. For example, Jesus was either born of  a virgin, or He wasn’t. Mary could not have simultaneously been a virgin and not a virgin.

‘Both/And’ Thought Paradigm

‘Both/and’ is also a legitimate thought paradigm, and it is intrinsically more nuanced than ‘either/or’. It says both ‘A’ and ‘B’ are simultaneously true even though there is tension between them. ‘B’ does not have to be false in order for ‘A’ to be true. Though tension exists between them, ‘A’ and ‘B’ are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are actually both true, and they need to be viewed in one’s mind as parallel truth claims.

A biblical example is the goodness and sinfulness of creation. Creation is good. God made it good, and He called it good 7x without ever taking it back.¹ However, sin corrupts, distorts, and mars the goodness of creation. The presence of sin means creation needs to be redeemed, but the presence of sin does not strip creation of its goodness. Creation is both good and in need of redemption. Both are true. Both seem to conflict with one another. The truth is nuanced and heavy. Creation can simultaneously be good and corrupted by sin. However, creation cannot simultaneously be good and not good.

Mistakingly Using ‘Either/Or’

There are times we must employ the ‘either/or’ paradigm in how we think about our faith and practice. And there are also times we must employ the ‘both/and’ paradigm. People get derailed when they employ the ‘either/or’ paradigm when the scenario actually calls for ‘both/and’. This mistake often occurs when we form our expectations for what the Bible is and what our experience within the Bible should be. 

What often occurs is that people create a false ‘either/or’ reality around the Bible, which results in a strong expectation for the biblical engagement experience. This expectation usually pertains to a few things:

1. the intrinsic quality/nature of the Bible
2. how God speaks to us through the Bible
3. what communing with God through the Bible should feel like
4. the result of engaging the Bible

Once expectations are formed for each of these aspects of biblical engagement, people tend to form tunnel vision around realizing those expectations. This places artificial pressure on the individual that remains persistent because they are aiming for an unrealistic target.

It’s not that we shouldn’t have expectations for the above aspects of biblical engagement. Rather, we need to ensure we are thinking about these things deeply so that we can form accurate expectations. We want to expect nuance where nuance exists, and the Christian experience is permeated with nuance.

The Proposed Solution

So what are people supposed to do?

In my next post, I will present what I consider to be the most common expectations for the biblical engagement experience within popular Christianity that are actually incomplete because they utilize ‘either/or’ instead of ‘both/and’. Not only will I identify the explanation, but I will also outline the thought process behind it as well as the solution for a more accurate understanding.

You have an expectation for what your Bibleing experience should be. Do you know what it is? Can you explain it? I work with so many people who have disappointing and overwhelming experiences when they engage the Bible. If that’s you, then I hope to see you in the next post.

Until then,

Happy Bibleing!

Footnotes

1. Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31. ↩︎